we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
