One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
