what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Literally been in their house 5 minutes and I've projectile vomited all over the bathroom wall. The dog licked it up though so I think it's cool.
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