I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Randomize
