i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
