Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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