You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Randomize
