Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
