Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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