God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
he went down on me to a drake song and now i think i need a penicillin shot
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Randomize
