once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
