i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
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