the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
