you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
