There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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