Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
You came on your own forehead. Just wanted to remind you that.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
