This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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