I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
