i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Randomize
