It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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