question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
