Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I only have two new blunt burns this year as opposed to freshman year's 6. This is growing up.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
