omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
Does your gf have any friends she can hook me up with?
Better looking than her though please.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
