is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Randomize
