Walk of Shame. In a state park.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
We talked him into tasing himself.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
