lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
