i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I wanted to get all my legit stuff out, but then I decided I didn't trust drunk me with my own things
Good decision.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
