Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
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