So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
