Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
