i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
But for future reference, it might help your game if you don't tell the girl you're trying to get on your dick that she's "not the worst thing you've ever seen"
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Confirm that you received these messages so that I know you feel the agony of my vagina. There is such a thing as "too many penises".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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