Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
