You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
Randomize
