omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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