well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
