One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
