I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize
