I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
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