i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
