I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
Randomize
