thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
Two questions: Did you enjoy your birthday present and how did i wake up with glitter all over my dick?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
