some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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