I want to stick my p in your. b.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Randomize
