There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.