Say something about gay babies.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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