My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
Randomize
