I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
