I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
