mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Randomize
