So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
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