it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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