I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
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