I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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