yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
