Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
