I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
Randomize
