I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Randomize
