I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Randomize
