i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
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