He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
