i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
