I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
