i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Randomize
