You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
