I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Found your dick twin last night
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Randomize
