i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
