Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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