I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Still dying that you shit outside
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
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