areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
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