Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
