i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
Randomize
