omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
