I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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