I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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