My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
We have started to decorate penises.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
Randomize
