What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
