im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Randomize
