She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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