So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I have already put on my inside pants.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
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